willbebullsloading – Pawjourr

When Separation Anxiety Meets Separation Anxiety

Getting a bulldog, as I’ve read in countless articles and magazines, would be hard. I knew that. I knew that I’d have to deal with skin issues and separation anxiety. But what Google didn’t prepare me for was how much I had to sacrifice.

The tugging and pulling

I’ve had MomoKill for about 7-8 months now. The longest I’ve ever left her alone is 5 hours, when I had to leave the house for other commitments. One of the biggest reasons is this:

Every time I try to leave the house, she’d pull my clothes or my bag, holding me back. Going up against a bulldog isn’t the easiest thing. She has so much strength that I’d leave the house sweating, like I just got into a fight.

The heartbreaking cries

It gets harder when MomoKill gives up. The moment she realises that I will leave whether she pulls me back or not, she’d start crying and whining until I go back in the house. Strength is not a weapon anymore at this point. But she knows her cries are my weakness. I try not to give in, but whose heart wouldn’t melt with a face like this staring at you?

Going out without MomoKill

The only thing I can think about when I leave the house is whether my baby feels like I’ve abandoned her. Not one time have I gone out without worrying about MomoKill.

This got to a point where my friends got annoyed because all I’d talk about is my furkid. All I’d think about is what I could get my furkid while I’m out. My friend even told me off because he thought I was “too dependent on MomoKill”. I was honestly tempted to end the friendship because of that.

Here is a photo my mum sent to me while I was out. MomoKill was waiting and looking out the window, acting anxious and pacing around.

Returning home

When I finally return home after a few hours, the first thing I see is her waiting at the door for me to come home.

My photo gallery has pictures of her and nothing else. When I can bring her, MomoKill comes along with me everywhere I go. It has come to a point where my friends have accepted that if they want to see me, they’d see my dog as well. It may not be very healthy, but I don’t ever want to leave her.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful for her and for this relationship that we have. However, my internship is starting soon and I’d have to be out more. I don’t know how she would be able to cope without me. More importantly, I don’t know how I’d be able to cope without her. Nevertheless, she’d have to learn, and I guess I’ll have to as well.

Many books and online articles try to help dogs with their separation anxieties. I hope someone writes an article on how pawrents can get over their separation anxieties with their dogs too..

(P.S. If you happen to have tips or can relate, please leave a comment so we can help each other out! ?)

A Chonky Doggo in a Superhero Cape

My Experience

I have been dealing with mental health issues and substance abuse for a few years, and was admitted to IMH a number of times since. It was always a lonely, tiring road that seemed like it was going nowhere.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, COVID-19 hit and I was forced to stay home during circuit breaker. Because of the restrictions, I could not meet my psychologist as often, or escape by making myself busy. I felt even more like the end was near, I thought all hope was lost. That is, until I met my saviour, an English Bulldog named MomoKill.

When I saw her, I immediately knew that we could connect. She was an excited young pup, but the other dogs didn’t seem to like her as much as she liked them. She was constantly being growled at, ignored, yet always remained hopeful and happy. Being an English bulldog, she kind of has a resting angry face, but if you look beyond that, you’d see a beautiful, gentle soul.

I remember a call I had with my therapist at IMH. She encouraged me to get a small support animal, like a hamster. The next day, I brought home a 23kg English Bulldog. I guess that’s close enough to a hamster, right?

Through the ups and the downs

Since then, when I needed a hand, she lent me a paw. I remember countless of nights where I would not be able to sleep, and MomoKill was right there beside me, always. She licked my tears and sat in my lap (yes, a 23kg doggo) until I calmed down and went to bed. She would try to cheer me up when she sensed something was off. I remember her comforting my sister and I when we had a huge fight, and helped us reconcile in the end. When I felt the urge to relapse in my addiction, she sat beside me and I knew she was rooting for me not to give in.

What she taught me

Being a chonky doggo with multiple rolls of fat, she helped me realise that you could be plus sized and beautiful at the same time.

I’ve learnt that not all superheroes wear capes. Some are covered in fur and snuggle in your bed. MomoKill and I are very similar, and don’t have many friends, so it’s us against the world!

Sometimes I get scared of what will happen when she passes on, but she reminds me that even though she will not be with me my entire life, I’ll be with her throughout her life. And that is enough for us.