Tag: dogmanship

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My dog is not my child, She’s my EQUAL

Photo Credit @fambam_sg

The human-dog relationship is perhaps the hardest to define in the 21st century. It’s so contentious and filled with so much noise that we don’t even know what to believe anymore.⁠ I get it that we want to be progressive and not think of our dogs as property hence we don’t want to be called an owner. I get it that we want to acknowledge our dogs as living, sentient beings.

I grew up with dogs and never once we treated them like property. But we did respect how they are wired. We recognised that they have needs different from us, humans.⁠

In recent times, I cringe inside when people refer Lady-Mae as my child. Or, if they refer to me as her Ma-ma. If you’re very observant, you’ll see my eyes doing a squint.⁠ ⁠I struggle with this definition a lot because to be seen as a parent and child relationship is almost as if I’m saying that she’s helpless and that she doesn’t know anything.

I struggle with it because firstly, the dog is only helpless from birth to week 5. By the time most dogs are in homes at 8 weeks old, they already know a lot about being a dog. Their mothers have taught them what it means to be a good dog. How hierarchy in a pack works and how they should behave.

When we think about a dog as a child, we end up having misconceptions of the dog world or can have unrealistic expectations.⁠ For me, Lady-Mae is my cross-species friend. Lady-Mae is my equal.

We are on an exchange programme for the duration of her life. I teach her things about the human world. In return, she teaches me things about the dog and the natural world.⁠⁠

The reason why we need to provide our dogs direction and guidance (leadership) is because they will respond in the way they are wired – the dog way. In order for them to learn appropriate behaviours that will suit our human world, it’s our responsibility as their handlers to teach them. In exchange, they give us insight into the natural world like how their view of dominance isn’t how we know it to be in ours.

Dogs live in a highly structured society. In a pack, there’s always a leader. Their leader is a calm and confident dog. Fairness is something that doesn’t apply to dog because they have no concept of favourites. Every dog within a pack knows where they stand and what they must do. E.g. the higher ranking dogs in a pack always eats first followed by the middle of the pack dogs and finally the followers. The reason why we can have a few high ranking dogs together is because they respect each other’s ability to lead and they give way to one another. There isn’t such a thing as ego in a dog. All these problems are a result of us, their humans.

Puppies know that if they misbehave, the older dogs within their pack will discipline them. That’s how they learn social skills. So, it’s highly inaccurate to say that our dogs are helpless. They know a lot more than we do about the dog world by the time they come to live with us. Our responsibility is to continue that education that their mothers began so that they will grow up to the be dog that they were born to be.

I find that when we define our dogs as our children, we place upon them the burden to fulfil some of our emotional needs that our dogs will never be able to replace. Also, we then begin to see tools that we can use for training as needs. E.g. Food, Toys, Affection. When we treat our dogs like children and provide these as a need instead of something that they have to earn, we end up with behaviour problem dogs.

We then forget that the leash is an extension of us and we tend to see our collars and leashes as accessories. The collar and the leash are powerful tools for us to help our dogs navigate our human world successfully.

Also, how can we explain why this same species is also trained to be protection, service, medical alert, bomb explosive detection, search and rescue etc dogs? I find this disparity baffling that just because my dog is a pet dog so it’s a kid? And all the other working dogs out there aren’t?⁠⁠

Why are we so much more ready to be a parent to a dog than to another human being? Is it because the dog is able to validate our need for significance that we disguise it as unconditional love? Is it because the dog is forever so-called dependent on us vs kids will grow to be independent?⁠⁠

Or is it that our misplaced hearts yearns for unconditional acceptance and that we’ve chosen Man’s Best Friend to do the job because they instinctually will return to us their love and devotion.

⁠⁠How did we end up being so messed up about nature? I don’t have answers. But here’s how I see the human-dog relationship.

Lady-Mae and I are like salt in each other’s lives. If you go out to buy an excellent piece of steak, you’ll come home and season the steak with salt. A good chef would not add pepper to the steak because pepper doesn’t bring out the flavours already present in that piece of meat. Pepper ADDS to the flavour. Salt, on the other hand, DRAWS out the flavours that are already present. This is why we pay so much for dry aged meat. It’s the work of salt in the meat being air dried over a period of time.

Similarly, in our human-dog relationship, we cannot change our dogs to be humans. Neither can we be dogs. If we use the same understanding we have about salt and steaks, we know that we can be like salt. We can be agents to help our dogs thrive in our complex human world by drawing out the best of them. Similarly, our dogs too, draw out the best of what’s already present in us.

And, this is how we’re Equals.⁠

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How I Deal With Frustration When I Don’t See Results?

I often get asked what do I do if I don’t see results in a training session with my dog. Everyone does it very differently, so please do not take this as the ONLY way. It’s been a way that I’ve used to raise all my dogs. There’s no formula, it’s just a set of principles that I live by.

PERSPECTIVE MATTERS

How and what you define as training matters. I don’t “train” my dogs. I RAISE them. It’s two very different perspectives because when we think about training, there are goals, learning take aways, a curriculum, objectives a format etc.

RAISING a dog is about teaching the dog to experience and do life with us. In this perspective, even a walk in the park with a reactive dog is training. It’s a lifestyle. A way of being. It’s like a artist taking in an apprentice and mentoring and coaching that apprentice by showing him/her the ropes. It’s takes a longer term view and it focuses a lot more on the behaviour rather than obedience. It’s an old school but instinctual way of living with a dog.

Raising a dog, however, is harder because it requires owners to always be present physically, psychologically and emotionally. It means owners have to always be ready to either reward their dogs because their dogs offered a behaviour that they want to reinforce or to give out an appropriate consequence for behaviours that they want to diminish. There’s no TURN OFF time as long as we are living with our dogs.

When I get a puppy, I immediately think about what I want the puppy to be able to do with me. What activities do I want to take my dog on? How much of my life do I expect my dog to share with me? All these has an impact on how much “training” is required and that forms the development plan for the dog from puppy to the day it takes its last breath.

This process is what I call the EXPERIENCE. Yes, like an employee experience. How do you communicate your company’s vision, mission, culture and values to a new employee?

I usually start with short walking drills. I use it to communicate a culture that I wish to set for my dog. It’s like an orientation programme for a new employee of a company. It’s an induction into the way of life, the way I communicate, my values, my vision and mission. It’s highly intentional. It starts out with an end in mind and each session is about creating a successful experience, meaning that the dog learns to trust my decision making all the time, every time.

From my perspective, anything and everything is training. I’m constantly mentoring and coaching my dog. I’m constantly evaluating our growth and making adjustments to facilitate learning and development not just for my dog but for myself as a handler.

DO MORE FUN THINGS TOGETHER AND LESS HOMEWORK

Nobody enjoys homework every day. I’m sure you’ve heard of the famous saying “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Similarly, no dog enjoys heeling every day for like the entire park. If I am teaching a dog to heel at a new environment, I usually don’t walk the entire park with it trying to teach it to heel. I just choose a spot and walk up and down with the dog at one area. The moment the dog heels well for 3 to 4 steps if it’s my first time there, I’d stop the exercise and reward the dog by giving it a release command to communicate, it’s now time to go do dog stuff. I don’t continue with the exercises after this either. Instead, I take the dog AROUND the park and we enjoy the sights, sounds and smells together. Why? Because I am still training the dog.

REMEMBER THE SABBATH

Everyone needs rest. Hey, even God needed a rest. The Bible says He created the world and He rested on day 7! So if a supernatural being needed a day off, I reckon, we need more!

I don’t just give the dog a rest day. I have several sabbaths. After each intentional session with me, if it’s a young dog, I’ll put it back in its crate or pen or space and allow the dog to rest and finally sleep for at least 2 to 3 hours. I want the dog to process all the information that we experienced together earlier.

I don’t have a designated day off. It depends on my work schedule. Similarly, dogs who live with me do not know when their day off will be but they do get one. On their off day, I don’t do any formal training. By that, I mean teaching the dog to “heel” or teaching the dog to “leave it” etc. So there’s no formal session. On a dog’s off day, I either let it laze at home, if it’s a lazy dog or I take it out to do something it likes! For example, my dog Lady-Mae either likes to snooze at home or she enjoys a romp in the off the beaten tracks of Singapore!

ENJOY THE PROCESS OR THE JOURNEY

Too many dog owners focus too much on the Obedience commands. I didn’t even teach Lady-Mae the obedience commands until she was 14months old. When I adopted her at 3.5 months old, I took the first year to introduce her to how life would be like with me. We went to all the places that I would want her to go with me.

Frankly, Lady-Mae was an Obedience School drop out. She only mastered basic obedience at 20months and at 2.5 years, she mastered the advance obedience commands reliably. Even though she didn’t know the commands, she was however a balanced dog by the time she turned 12months.

Knowing what you want from your dog will help keep you focused on your journey. It will stop you from following what is trendy. I take the perspective of raising a dog because I think about my dog’s development not just in the early days but I look at it from a life long journey.

Lady-Mae may be 8 but she’s still learning. As a senior dog, we need to start looking into her mobility. How do we help her continue to be mobile, agile so that she can continue to live out her best life. If you have just gotten a puppy, your current focus will take on a very different trajectory from mine.

HAVE AN HONEST CONVERSATION WITH YOUR TRAINER

The last thing to do is to have an honest conversation with your trainer. Don’t keep the frustration to yourself. Rant and learn to trust your trainer with your failures. This is the best way to grow and learn. I didn’t become a good dog handler in 1 or 2 years. It took me 15 years to encounter a full cycle of raising a dog from puppy to the day it passed on. During this time, I had people who were dog breeders, trainers, handlers and my vet coaching me actively. Your dog trainer became a trainer because he/she wanted to help people. If your dog trainer says I’m here to train dogs, then he/she isn’t a good trainer because in reality, YOU are the trainer of your dog. Your dog trainer trains YOU. When you are able to say I cannot do something, your trainer will have clarity about what you can do because there’s a gazillion ways to train a dog. Your dog trainer is trying to find a style that’s unique to you and your dog.

I hope you will find these five pointers helpful and I hope it’ll give you something for you to consider and try out. If you have a topic that you wish to have addressed, either leave me a comment or send me a DM on instagram @theroyaltail and if it’s something I have experience with, I’d be happy to share with you my perspective.

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Dog Handling as a Team Sport

Why you need to see yourself beyond the role of a pawrent

In today’s dogmanship world, too many of us focus so much on being pawrents that we neglect the highly critical portion of raising a balanced dog. A balanced dog is a dog who is aware of its surroundings and is able to have maturity and life skills to navigate whatever situations it faces with its handler. And this includes anyone other than its family members.

In every home of multiple handlers, there’s always ONE primary handler and the rest being secondary. Meaning, dogs tend to follow ONE member of the family a lot more than others. In a home of multiple dogs and members, dogs naturally gear towards to members of the family that they have confidence in. If you have multiple dogs and people at home, be sure to have clarity who is the primary and who are the secondary handlers.

As the primary handler, when you and your dog are together, you are ONE team. Every day, in your walks, play, feeding etc, you’re engaging in a team sport. Like any sport, there are clear rules on how to score points and strategies on how to win.

The success of your team is dependent on:

(A) Your dogmanship abilities – this is your natural ability to handle, guide, teach a dog. Some of us are naturally more talented than others. So it’s important to know yourself and the areas in which you need help with. Don’t measure yourself with another person. Everyone is wired differently and in order for you to find another you is 1:33million chances. Be content with who you are and lead your dog with who you are. Skills and techniques in dog handling are acquired over time, so be patient.

(B) How much dog there is in our dogs – this is where some “positive only” people might disagree with me. So hear me out before you jump the gun. Every dog has different ‘dogness’ levels. For example, police dogs that are selected to do guarding and protection work are bred for their aggression. These dogs do not respond to pressure easily. From a young age, they are encouraged to bite and this is why often times you see their trainers even beating them and that makes them hold on to the bite even more. This is why these dogs can chase after the bad guys and hold on even if they are attacked. Likewise a dog that’s bred to be a service dog will have less ‘dogness’ in them because they are bred to work with their handlers in assisting them. Pet dogs are bred to have the least ‘dogness’ in them. This however, differs from breed to breed. E.g. a German Shepherd from a pet line could still potentially have a log more dog in it than say a King Charles Cavalier. Simply because they were bred for different jobs.

If you have a Singapore Special or a mongrel/ mutt like I do, then it’s much harder to gauge the dogness level simply because we do not know that dog’s ancestry.

Being able to have clarity on these two points will help you decide on what training approach you need to take. Unfortunately, this is not how many of us decide. We tend to decide based on trends and the advise that’s given to us by the circle of so-called experts.

As an experienced dog owner, I’ve often come across people who have a dog that’s a lot more dog than they can actually manage on a day to day basis. If you’re a softie at heart, and if you have a dog that doesn’t back down to pressure, then you have to be prepared for your dog to test you a lot more than someone whose less of a softie.

Benefits of adopting a team sport perspective

By being able to go beyond the pawrent perspective helps us to be able to
1. Improve our relationship – when we are able to have a more objective perspective, we are able to gain clarity on the areas where we are strong in and areas where we need improvement. When we gain clarity, we are then able to break down our goals and manage our expectations of ourselves and those of our dogs.

2. Create healthy boundaries – Because our dogs mature very intensively within the first year of its life, going beyond the pawrent role helps us to cultivate healthier way in which we can relate and engage our dogs. Just like how our parents don’t treat us like babies when we’re in our teens, we should seek to do the same for our dogs.

3. Encourages ongoing growth and development that is for the entire lifetime of the dog instead of just for a period. Professional athletes have a life after retiring from their sport. Likewise, our dogs should also be engaged in appropriate ways that will take them into their golden years.

4. It helps to build engagement. In a team sport, every member on that team has a specific role. Hence, everyone is clear about what is expected of them and they know WHAT, WHEN, HOW to participate meaningfully. When we adopt this perspective of being in a team, we are then able to translate clear expectations to our dogs. When our dogs know what it is expected of them, they are more motivated to do more for us.

5. It gives our dogs a sense of purpose, self-confidence and awareness. Have you ever played with a team and won a competition? Didn’t that make you feel good? Life is like a competition. We have fears to overcome. Hurdles to cross. What will our dogs say about us as their coach if they could speak? Will they say, ‘I’m on the winning team because I conquer something every day?’

Our dogs’ lives are short. Why would we want to use a lifetime to train the dog to overcome its fears when we can use that same lifetime to enjoy life together?