Tag: grief

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What does it mean to grieve and fall back in love? A pet owner’s journey in rediscovering love amidst the Pandemic.

This article was written in collaboration with Karly, owner of @fluffy_boy_bear on Instagram.

My name is Karly, and I live in Canada. I currently own an adorable pyreneesXpup named Bear.

2 years go, my family and I watched as the pandemic in Canada approached us like a tidal wave. Every day, we monitored the news and heard about how close and how fast the virus was coming. We stocked up on supplies and got a new job that wouldn’t be considered non-essential so we could maintain working. We also chose to pull our daughter from school and homeschool her after the shutdowns.

We had no sense of certainty on what the next day would bring in terms of laws, freedom, travel, product availability, etc.

Losing Bentley

Our previous cockapoo was named Bentley. He was our first family dog. We adopted him at the age of 7. He was my shadow, my best friend, my security guard, my comfort. He was extremely under-socialized. We made it a goal to ensure he would not bark at every person that walks by our house. He was a challenge but one that we accepted with lots of love and determination.

He did not eat or drink during his first week at home. We vaccinated him quickly, put him on good food, took him for grooming, cuddled every night in bed and eventually managed to gain his trust. 

After that, he was like a missing piece to the puzzle. Once he became himself and showed us his personality (as undertrained as that may be!) we were obsessed. 

Unfortunately for us, he passed away. When we lost him, I felt like I lost my best friend. My shadow disappeared. My days felt empty. I stopped going for trail walks. I stopped going outside first thing in the morning. I stopped looking at other people’s dogs and cried when I did. I had never been so heartbroken in my life. I tried to cope with the grief by believing that he had the most amazing end of his life he could have possibly wanted. Filled with love, energy, health, exercise, treats, cuddles.

Yet with grief, we knew we needed to somehow fill his void.

Finding Bear

Adopting Bear was not a decision we took lightly.

When Bentley was around we would conspire to get another Cockapoo (dog breed) after him. We loved the breed. But when the time came, it hit too close to home for us to even consider thinking about the same breed. We needed a complete change. So we settled for a Pyrenees cross, either a puppy or an elder, large dog.

We took our time to search for a suitable dog. It took a while, but eventually, we saw Bear for the first time and knew that he was what we needed.

We instantly set up a meet and greet. His previous foster home consisted of 7 year old hence we felt assured that he would be good with our oldest daughter.  We also brought over our newborn to see how he acted with her. 

When we first met him he gave us a jump, hug, kiss, and instantly we were sold. The first thing we noticed was how big he was. We were warned he was big. But he was huge.

Secondly his hair. He has an Einstein hairdo, that you can’t help but love.

Third, how happy his energy was. He was exactly what we were missing and the energy we wanted back in our home. He was in our car on the way home that very same day. We met his foster mom outside of a school, took him for a little walk, gave him some love, then loaded up.

Healing during a Pandemic

Bear’s arrival helped to provide routine through uncertain times. We were happy to be back outside in the morning, at the park in the afternoon, going into pet stores, going to dog parks. We regained forms of socialization that we thought we lost.

Bear also promotes calm and happy energies which was a refreshing take amidst the annoyance and unsure ways of the pandemic.

Most importantly, having Bear helped to clear my impressions of love and grief.

Truly, I would never have Bentley back and that fills me with grief, but Bear provides a new kind of love. With him, we are constantly discovering new traits and routines to love. 

Of course, we miss Bentley and will always miss him. He was our “grumpy old man”. He would bark at anyone and anything he didn’t know. He curled up on the couch and slept. He never ran always walked with us. He slept all night in our bed. He lost lots of teeth and could only consume soft food. 

But, Bear is our energetic baby boy. He helped us to find, such a different form of love. 

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As I go gray, I want my hooman to know…

I opened my doggo eyes to the warm sunlight and I think of my younger days where I would bounce up and run out to play. Somewhere in my 13 years of life, things changed.

It was not because I have become less playful, neither was it because the toys weren’t fun anymore. It’s simply because I couldn’t gather the energy to move like I used to. And that’s okay because it’s natural, right? Every doggo ages eventually.

As I go gray, I want my hooman to know that…

Age spots are a part of my aging journey.

You may have noticed that when you bathed me with your tender hands, my skin has more dark spots than when I was a pupper. I know you are concerned about why my looks started changing but I guess, it’s just a fact we both had to accept. Much like how grandma and granddad get their spots when they age.

My fur will turn lighter like how your hair will turn gray.

As you stroke my fur and look through my pupper photos, you gasped as you see how much my colour changed. It might seem like a little bit of colour gets washed off with every bath, which would be funny. However, it’s just that my body stops using energy to make colours for my coat so that I can have more energy to play with you.

English Cocker Spaniel Puppy Sitting On Ground Beside Grass

I wish I can walk a little further.

Nothing is better than some walkies with my favourite hooman, especially the reeeeaaalllly long ones. But my tiny little legs hurt inside with every step after some time, probably because of arthritis, weaker bones or simply fatigue. I can’t tell you when I am in pain, so all I can do is to stop a little while when it hurts. If you caught me limping, that’s because I was trying to keep up with you. Every day, I try to move a little further than yesterday.

My eyes that may have turned hazy, still see clearly.

When I see your worried look as you look me in the eyes, I knew my eyes did not seem as bright as they were. I know you are worried that I might be going blind. But, dear hooman, please don’t worry too much about it. My hazy eyes can still see you clearly and I am grateful for that. Nuclear sclerosis is the reason why my eyes are slightly blueish now. However, it is different from cataracts. I wish to see your happy face more while I still can, please do not worry as I can still see very well.

Pawn Pug Sitting on Beige Floor

Wrinkles are my evidence of memories with you.

With every walkies, zoomies and time spent panting living with you, my skin leaves precious folds to remember the good times we had. The first area you might notice where I have wrinkles would be my neck. The skin gets slightly loose and saggy. While it changes how I look externally, these marks on my body are beautiful souvenirs from the good times we have so I love every fold on my skin. I hope you love them too.

I am grateful to you, my dearest hooman.

In a blink of an eye, thirteen years have passed. While I don’t know how much time we have left to spend together, I just want to say thank you for giving me a good life. I know you sometimes blame yourself for not doing better but I wish you can find comfort to know that I enjoyed and appreciate everything you have done for me. I hoped I have been a good girl that doesn’t cause you any trouble and I will continue to strive to do so.

Lastly, I know you might already be thinking of my departure one day. Even though it is painful to separate, I wish you can be with me until my very last breath. And I hope that that is not too much to ask for in exchange for all the good memories we had created together.

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The loss that nobody wants to talk about.

It has been some weeks since I’ve thought of making a contribution to Pawjourr and I’ve finally plucked up enough courage to touch on a sensitive topic that’s really close to my heart. But before I begin, a gentle disclaimer that this story is not meant to tell or prepare you on how and what to feel, as in my opinion, no amount of preparation will ever be enough to deal with the loss of your beloved pet.

This is Junior, my little Bichon Frise who was always up for an afternoon snuggle – the bestest companion I had been longing for since before 2009.

I still remember the day I got him.

As though shouting to us “Notice me!”, a white ball of fluff jumped excitedly as he saw us in the pet store. My mum and I instantly fell in love and the moment I sat in the car with Junior in my arms, I knew my life was never going to be the same again. ❤️

Tug-o-war time!

Junior was a quiet little boy who didn’t really enjoy interacting with other doggos. He was like a little old man, always minding his own business and chilling out around us as we go about our daily activities. He enjoyed his squeaky toys and would occasionally come over to me for mini tug-o-war sessions. 

Junior was ALWAYS around – through the late-night studies, family celebrations, and festivities, he was always there. Junior was really the sibling I never had. Milestones after milestones, I could definitely count on him to give me a really big comforting hug, and as strange as it sounds, he’s always one of the first few “people” I shared my good news with. 

One thing I missed for sure was hiding food from him. Where there is the sound of plastic bags, there was Junior. ?  Someone, please teach me how to resist dem puppy eyes. ?

In March 2019, Junior left our family. 

His deterioration which led to his death went relatively fast and came highly unexpected. Everything happened in the span of 4 days and it was agonizing.

It was truly a roller coaster of emotions in the days he was admitted, I was not prepared nor did I expect to lose him when we did. I hadn’t the slightest idea that recovery was not in his books and hence was not able to process or accept the loss. It was absolutely mind numbing that sometimes I wish I hadn’t brought him to the vet, just so our time together would extend. (Although I know I did the right thing, reducing his pain and suffering)

When the loss is traumatising, recovering is often complicated. 

Without his little paws tapping the marble floors and occasional whines and barks, the house was unbearably quiet. Unable to face the silence alone, I purposely kept myself busy and stayed out a little longer. Every little thing reminded me of Junior and weeks following his death were just filled with sleepless nights and tears. I remember thinking to myself how nobody told me about this agony I would have to go through as a pet owner.

As much as I hate to admit this, the painful truth is that our pets don’t last forever. 

It’s been over a year since I lost my best friend but not a day goes by where I do not miss him. I still cry at the thoughts of him from time to time. Goodbyes are heckin tough but I would do it all again in a heartbeat (which was why I decided to adopt Dexter but that’s a story for another day). 

So as someone who has lost her bestest friend, here are some things that I found useful and would like to share:

Firstly, don’t be pressured to “move on” or “let go” – There really isn’t a reason why you should be expected to move on quickly. Give yourself time to grieve and reach out for comfort if you need to. It was a traumatic experience for me and the last thing I wanted was someone to tell me to move on so please do not offer such advice if you know someone going through such a situation. Just be there for them and lend them your shoulder to cry on. 

It’s ok to find yourself going through good and bad periods – Some days are simply harder! I could be dealing with Junior’s passing really well one day, and be hit by a truck of emotions the next. But that’s fine, acknowledge your grief and allow yourself to express it but most importantly, reach out and seek support when you have to. 

Lastly, amidst all the cuteness and silly moments with your furkids, know that the process of aging and death is inevitable. Spend and cherish the time you have with them as they had with you till now. Though it would eventually come to an end, the joy and sheer bliss of having met them are beyond the devastation that follows. So do not shy away or be afraid! I know Junior and I were meant to meet and he has been and always will be irreplaceable in my heart. ❤️

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Community Stories

How to Care for an Older Dog

Most of the time when people look at Belle, they assume she’s about one or two years old. And that’s very understandable because she’s pretty white considering that she’s a Golden Retriever. Usually, you can tell a Goldie is getting older when the fur on their face is a lighter shade than their coat. 

So when I tell people that Belle is 11 years old, they get very shocked and they usually say something like “wow she looks great for her age!”

Of course, when you take a closer look, you can tell that Belle’s getting behind her years because her legs aren’t as steady as before and she gets out of breath after long walks or even after a trip to the park.

Diet

As Belle got older, one of the biggest changes would be her diet. The food (dry and wet) she eats now is catered towards senior dogs and the vet has advised me to not give her as many treats as before. Which is a good thing because it’s extremely important for senior dogs to not be overweight otherwise it’ll be a big strain on their bones and limbs. 

Apart from her food, I also give her her daily dose of Glucosamine soft chews. It definitely helps her limbs because she still enjoys walking (sometimes running) up and down the stairs in my house. 

Exercise

When it comes to bringing Belle out, I guess the important thing to take note of is when she lags behind me because she’s always on my left. I usually take that as a sign that she’s had enough exercise for the day. Sometimes I bring Belle out to the pool as well because swimming is definitely less taxing on Belle’s limbs as compared to walking. It’s a great form of exercise for her too because she usually sleeps like a log the minute we get back home. 

Of course, when Belle gets too tired to walk anymore, she immediately lies down on the ground and only moves after a lot of encouragement. That’s when I step in and carry 23kg of fur, bones and flesh. 

Grooming

Grooming-wise, not much has changed to be honest. Every 6 to 7 weeks, I send Belle to the groomer’s where she gets her fur and nails trimmed and she comes back smelling like flowers. It’s also important to do daily maintenance as well. For example, cleaning her ears every night after a walk will help to prevent ear infections. 

On top of everything mentioned above, I think the most important thing is to still shower a lot of love to your dogs. Everyday I still smother Belle with loads of hugs, kisses and baby talk. Everyday she would get up (even if she’s sleeping) when she hears me call her name and walk towards me to greet me. When I first got Belle back in 2010 when I was only 14, I never thought too far in the future about her as an older dog; all I wanted was to have fun with her everyday. Now that I’m older and more aware, I know that one day I’ll have to say goodbye to her. But in the meantime, I’m still going to spoil her rotten because to me, she’s still my best friend and the number 1 Goldie in the world.

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My Close Escape from Euthanasia

Hi guys, in case you don’t know yet, my name is Kiki. This name was given to me by my first family and my pawrents just continued to use it.

In Feburary 2018, at 3 months old, I was brought home by my first family. They were so excited to have me and so was I to have them. However as days go by, things spiraled out of control.

Being in a family with 3 small children (4 if you consider me as a small puppy as well), my then pawrents did not have the capacity to care for me adequately and I soon fell into the arms of the devils.

I got myself some sort of a skin irritation where I constantly scratches and bite myself. I was constantly itchy and in pain. However, as I was the first puppy the family ever had, they did not know how to deal with me.

Pawdad sent me to the vet several times and was diagnosed with skin allergy. They suspected that it could be due to food, but despite changing my diet and eliminating via food type, they could not find the root cause.

It just kept going on and on and months flew by. At my very worst, I was almost bald and bloody due to the constant scratching and biting (I really can’t help it) and to protect my siblings, pawdad asked his friends to foster me temporarily.

This was the start of my journey of moving house to house. I was sent away by countless “fosterers” as they could not deal with my constant scratching (and disgusting smell). I am also always locked in my cage almost 24hours a day as they were afraid of me dirtying their places. I was at a very sad place. It was until July 2018 that pawdad reached out to my current pawrents to seek help as a last resort.

He had scheduled me to be euthanised 2 days later, but has no place to temporary put me up at. My mummy had questions about me but agreed to put me up for 2 nights.

When pawdad brought me over to mummy and daddy’s house late at night, he told mummy that I had severe skin allergy and the vet recommended to be euthanise as I will not have quality of life. He felt sad about it but this is what he had to do. He left after saying goodbye to me.

After closing the door, mummy opened my gate. It was the first time the gate has been opened for godknows how many days or weeks. I climbed out of the cage… Despite all the pains and itches, I made my way to mummy’s lap and asked for a belly rub.

Mummy gave me a good belly rub and looked at daddy saying how pitiful I was (no doubt, I was so raw then). Daddy suggested that we should not give up on me and that he would make an appointment tomorrow with his friend’s vet and get a second opinion. Mummy agreed. Little did they know, it was this decision that saved my life.

The next day, daddy got home from work and brought me to the new vet. The vet saw me and immediately got down to business. He took tests and did everything he needed to do. He even gave me a huge slab of salmon from his stash for dinner as he said I was so severely underweight for my age (7 months).

All red, at the vet

It turned out… The results showed that I was suffering from a very severe form of chronic scabies that the bugs were eating me alive inside and outside. Luckily though, I was diagnosed in time, if we were to wait any further, I would not have made it out alive.

This event turned everything upside down. Mummy contacted pawdad to inform the results and pawdad was shocked. He could not believe his ears and asked if mummy could keep and restore me back to health. He would be willing to pay for all the medical bills for my condition until I got better.

Mummy and daddy discussed and agreed to give me a second chance in life.

I got home, looking like this….

July 2018

Being also a first time dog owner, my new pawrents did not know what to do, much less prepare for my arrival.

But mummy being in the healthcare industry knows fairly well how contagious scabies is and quickly build me a playpen using Daiso metal grids to temporary keep me at a corner of the house (but this is definitely bigger than my cage which I’ve been living in it for many weeks!)

I was on medications 3x a day and showering every 3 days for 2 whole months. As both mummy and daddy are working, mummy engaged the help of her 3 good friends (AKA my 3 godmas now) for rotational help. The 4 of them took turn caring for me 24hours around the clock. Making sure I was fed well, had my medication and showers, and had lots of love and care. They almost could not leave me alone at home as I would start biting or scratching the moment I got nothing to do. In addition to all the special attention I needed, daddy assist in keeping the house scrubbed and cleaned well. He mop the floor and wipe everything I touched EVERY SINGLE DAY.

For the first time in many days and weeks, I finally slept well.

Slowly but surely, my skin started to recover. Instead of being like a skinless roast duck, I became a pink chicken and my fur started to grow out.

Look at me, being all cozy on mummy’s lap

As my condition slowly got better, I also became a vacuum cleaner during park walks (mummy ever had to pick out a chicken bone from my mouth) and learnt to climb stairs!

From taking each step gingerly….

To hopping like a kangaroo!

Everyone was very amazed at my recovery and I was so active by then! With due care and diligence from pawrents and godmas, I was on a roll. I became the puppy I should be.

Pawdad saw my miraculous recovery and after discussion with mummy, they decided to transfer my name under mummy’s name to make me officially adopted by my pawrents!

I could not be happier and pawrents were elated to have me part of their family. I mean, I am already their family since the night I got there, didn’t I? Hahaha!

Everyday, I create new problems and challenges to my pawrents which made them scratch their heads (see the pun?) and try to outwit me each time. (Soon after, mummy started me on command training to tire that clever brain of mine).

It took 1 month for the Chronic Scabies to be cleared and close to 3-4 months before my fur are fully grown out!

Take a Look!

Aug 2018
Sept 2018
Oct 2018
Nov 2018

In Nov 2018, I celebrated my first birthday!

I wouldn’t have made it to my first birthday (or even third this year!) without my pawrents’ decision to bring me for a second opinion. I would not have escape that needle of death. So I’m forever thankful for their kindness.

Lastly I got to say, even though pawdad and family did me unjust, I forgave them and I still love them. Till date, whenever I see my pawdad and family, I am always very happy to give them hugs and kisses! I knew that although they may not have given me the best care, they had made the right decision to let my current pawrents adopt me. For that, I am forever grateful.

Today, I am happy and I hope you are too!

Signing off,

Kiki, your favorite MP

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Community Stories

Zeus against Congestive Heart Failure

Zeus the Siberian Cat

Congestive Heart Failure can occur if your cat’s heart isn’t pumping enough blood to other parts of their body, causing fluid to back up in the lungs. In later stages, your cat will show obvious difficulty with breathing due to this excess fluid.

Some cats with heart disease can develop a painful, paralyzing condition called saddle thrombus if a blood clot develops in the heart and moves out of the aorta. The clot blocks blood flow to a cat’s hind legs, making them cold to the touch or even bluish under the fur.

Most cats with congestive heart failure have a life expectancy of a few weeks to 18 months, tops.

THE HEARTBREAKING NEWS

On the afternoon of 28th September 2018, I felt a crazy pang of weirdness looking at the awkward way Zeus was breathing. His shortness of breath was so apparent and you could almost see that he was using his stomach to breathe hard because it was inflating and deflating so rapidly.

Others thought he was just hot or tired, but I knew something was up. There was a look of desperation in his eyes.

It was lunch time and many vets were closed. I remember vividly how I was panic-calling every vet around the area. And I had to wait for another 45mins before lunch was over. While waiting, I posted a video of Zeus and I was eternally grateful for the many prayers received. Many cited that he could be just be having an asthma attack.

Mind you, I wish. I wish it was only asthma.
I wish that was all it was.

Zeus was immediately transferred from the vet to the hospital. In the midst of the transfer, right out of the oxygen chamber, Zeus started vomiting watery blood.

They suspected Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) right then. Zeus’ heart was not pumping hard enough, which led to fluids rising up in his lungs and blocking it from functioning regularly.

The vet called us many times to update on Zeus’ situation and deemed it extremely critical. And just like that, they gave Zeus 2 weeks to live.

First image: X-Ray of a healthier Zeus
Second image: X-Ray of Zeus’ lungs being clogged with fluids

The first X-ray shows a healthier Zeus after being hospitalised for 2 days, his lungs are darkened and black in the photo meaning it was all good.

The second X-ray is of his lungs filled with fluids. The supposedly darkened/black lungs are filled with white, cotton wools in the photo – indicating fluids in the lungs which caused his breathing difficulties.

There are many causes for congestive heart failure in cats. Most commonly it results from a condition that causes the walls of the heart to thicken – which is exactly what Zeusy had after the results of the heart scan was out (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy), but it can also be brought on by thyroid disease, high blood pressure, or birth defects, among other possibilities. The doctor believed that Zeus’ case might’ve been a birth defect, yes, because being only 2 years old, Zeus was just too young.

A cat with congestive heart failure may have trouble breathing, may be weak or tired, might refuse to eat, get paralysed on their hind legs and could die suddenly. Depending on the underlying problem, treatment may help reverse congestive heart failure, and there are medications to reduce symptoms. However, a cure is inevitable.

The doctor shared that Zeus being in an oxygen chamber would help him with his breathing and, accompanied with Diuretics (a drug to assist him with peeing off the built-up fluid), it could lower the need of rushing Zeus to the hospital every time there was an emergency.

I remember by that time; funds were getting majorly depleted.

My husband and I agreed to get a Credit Card just for the sole purpose of Zeus’ medical bills. We had to, we must.

We went on renting an oxygen tank from a nearby Nursing Home facility and creating a makeshift oxygen chamber for Zeus at home, in an aircon room coupled with snuggly blankets and his favourite toy.

AN ALTERNATIVE

Despite it all, his next attack frightened me. I could not bring myself to believe in the makeshift oxygen chamber.

Through my husband’s extensive researches via Google, we realised that we desperately needed an alternative, a 2nd opinion for Zeus’ illness. With that, we took a leap of faith & called Animal Ark (Tampines). Doctor Oh does animal acupuncture and while we were extremely sceptical of it, we went ahead.

I remembered bursting into uncontrollable tears when I saw Zeus going through his first acupuncture session. I was assured that it was not painful for him but I could not bare to watch my son having to go through all those needles.

Acupuncture is done to improve on Zeus’ blood flow, thus expanding his lungs & the intake of his oxygen. Over time – it lessens his discomfort in breathing.

Acupuncture did not miraculously cure Zeus but right at that instant, his shortness of breath stopped and you could vividly see his whole body stopped thumping and he was not grasping for air anymore.

Zeus was then given powdered medication & it’s equivalent to 8 tablets (we actually ordered organic empty capsules so that we could pop it in his throat easily during medicine time!), and that was only for the Chinese medications, excluding his supplements and Western meds!

Through it all, the expenses were crazy hefty.

Almost 2 years on, we’re just going to settle the last few bills. It has taken a toll on our monthly expenses but we wouldn’t have done it any other way.

Owning a cat, or a pet in general, is cute. The idea is cute. Their antics are cute.

However, after this whole ordeal, I plead for everyone to understand that a sick pet’s bills are not cute.

MEDICAL COST

A year ago, I’d be so embarrassed and hurt to share how much all these costed because it makes me sound like I am complaining. But no, I realised that by sharing our ordeal and the costs involved, I am actually creating awareness for everyone out there who might be in my predicament.

On an average:
$1,000 per night spent in the hospital (equipped with being in an oxygen chamber)
$3,000 plus for tests/follow-up tests
$500-$700 for medications and supplements
$198 deposit for an oxygen tank, $99 monthly fees
$600 for the first visit to the acupuncture doctor
$120 for subsequent visits
And finally, $460 for resuscitation

We defeated the initial 2 weeks’ timeline, but lost Zeus 3 months on.
In a matter of 3 months of war, we choked up to $13,000 of medical bills just to combat against this heart failure.

FOREVER OUR PRIDE & JOY

We did everything we could together to ensure his greatest quality of life, from the best medicinal alternatives to ensuring the yummiest and easiest medications for him, we charged on – side by side. If it was a war, we would be a family walking hand in hand from an explosion in the background, just like in the movies that we’d have watched together.

We did so much for Zeus.
I have said it before and I will say it again – I can hold on to so boldly knowing that we did everything within our powers for Zeus. We have no regrets. There was no “what ifs” left within our sadness.
We loved hard. And we fought even harder.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BrrhqaRAV8f/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

We lost our dear boy on 20th December 2018, picked up our new girl, Rhea, 4 months on and I birthed to a healthy baby boy a year later on Christmas 2019.
Many believed that it is Zeus reincarnated, but I shall leave that to each’s opinions and wander 🙂

As a pet owner, in our pet’s moment of darkness, be their light.
Have a heart, and please, never ever abandon them.

Of everything that we went through, the hardest was looking directly into Zeus’ eyes and trying my best to assure him that everything was going to be okay.

How could anyone, abandon their pet at such dire moments, I’d never understand.

My 2 cents, some form of financial assurance to care for your pets at a time which they need it the most because it could happen to just about anyone.

Remember, these pets are family. And families stick together.

Image by @selinartdraw

To my boy –
You’ve seen the tears I’ve cried and embraced me to be selfless.
You’ve touched your dad’s heart and taught him love, patience and acceptance.
You’ve been the best companion to your Nenek [grandma] in sickness and in health.

You’re a hero baby. You fought ever so bravely.
I thank you Zeusy.
I thank you, my angel.
You came into our lives, teaching your dad and I to be the best parents to you, and now to Rhea and baby Aryyan.
You taught me to love so fiercely.
I love you with no questions, no boundaries, no expectations.

You’re forever my pride & joy. You’re forever my son.

x Ernie
Zeus’ meowmy
@zeusthesiberiancat
@rheathesiberiancat

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Community Stories

The Day I Euthanised My Dog

I’ve had the privilege to raise 7 dogs since I was 12. I came from a family and extended family of dog lovers and grew up with medium to large dogs. Singapore was a lot more carefree then and there weren’t restrictions on the number of dogs a family could have even in HDB dwellings. There weren’t such a thing as HDB approved list either.

Left to Right : Dulcey and Honey, West Highland White Terriers

Euthanization seems to be such a taboo topic these days that it can divide the dog community. Today, we see so many ‘no kill’ shelters even right here in Singapore. While I do agree that we have to euthanise responsibly, this is where the line is very thin and it’s so easy to place judgement.

The Tough Decision

The first time I ever encountered euthanization was when I was 14-15years old. My Westie, Honey, at that time was suffering from very bad skin ailments. No amount of medication worked and diets didn’t help. Her skin was perpetually raw every day. This was the 80s, so animal care wasn’t really as advanced as today.

She wasn’t fed kibble. She was fed freshly cooked food and honestly, our food wasn’t contaminated with much hormones then. After countless vet visits and treatments, my father sat me down to have the most dreaded discussion – euthanise the dog.

I was very much like all the anti-euthanization activists and I shut my Dad down before he could even begin a conversation with me. One night, he gently told me that part of raising a dog is to be responsible for its well being. That includes the dog’s physical, mental and emotional health. Instead of telling me all the logic of why we should euthanise our beloved family member, he asked me TWO questions – Why am I fighting for my dog’s life? Was it really for her benefit or was it for my selfish reasons? Before he left to say goodnight, he told me that love isn’t self-centered. Love is about always considering the needs of the other before mine. And that’s why love is the greatest. It’s about sacrifice.

That conversation jolted me and I started to examine the condition of my heart. I didn’t want my dog to be put to sleep because of my selfish reasons. All the reasons were because of my needs and not hers. It took me five days to find courage and I went to my parents to say I was ready to do what I needed to do.

To put the icing on the cake, my parents told me they were going to hire a pet taxi for me and I was going to our vet by myself. Honey was my dog and as her leader and primary handler, I had to go and do this. And, this was what I needed to learn if I ever wanted to keep raising dogs. I was horrified but I said okay.

When I got to our vet, he was really nice, he walked me through the whole procedure and told me to let him know when I’d be ready to go through with it. On the steel table that day, I felt the life of my dog whom I raised from 8 weeks old drain away. I saw all the times we trained, we participated in conformation shows, bred her, helped her delivered her puppies, raised her puppies and finally to the place where I brought her to die.

Growth

That day taught me the most painful and valuable lesson of dog ownership. It taught me to seize the day. It taught me to never have a bucket list with my dog. It was the first time I ever put aside my needs for my dog. It was the very first time in my life that I put her needs before mine. I was so ashamed that I placed me before her in all the years that I was her handler. Yet, she was loyal and devoted to the end.

Honey, my first West Highland White Terrier that I raised as a puppy to adulthood taught me about leadership and what the phrase “Leaders Eat Last” meant because even with her life draining out from her never once judged me for being selfish.

I took her body back home and buried her in my uncle’s garden. It was the day I grew up. It was the day I stopped having ideals and learnt the painful decisions that every dog owner may have to face one day. It was also the day I understood what real Love is about. Love isn’t about me.

In her tribute, I seek to be a better dog handler with every dog that I raised after her. Thirty years on, I am still doing so.